MOMMYS SECRET BOUT DADDY!

My mother has also kept a huge secret from me, a secret that changed my life forever. Growing up I never knew who my father was, up until just a few weeks ago. My mother had been getting child support on me and had never told me. When I turned 18,my grandmother had received a letter in the mail regarding child support on me from my father, she gave it to me knowing I had been wondering who he was and how to find him. Since then, I had been online searching on peoplesearches,myspace,and on google.So far it had been 2 years and I had just moved to Woburn,Massachusetts to start a new life outside of Florida. Finally one night,searhing the internet again for my father, I was on peoplesearch.com and was able to get a few relatives names,whom I didnt know who and how they were related to him. I began to search the first name on the relative list..Ammy Meyshine. Once I had noticed that name came up more than once on my search for my father, I immediately began searching her name on myspace and facebook and found her!! That very moment, I wrote her on myspace. After a few hours,she responded and I had gotten a message on myspace.
Surprisingly, Ammy Meyshine turned out to be one of my fathers sisters! In the email she had said to call her and gave me her number, so I did and we talked for about 45 minutes about everything from me growing up to now fighting for my baby and how much family I now have on my fathers side.I have several aunts and uncles,as well as a grandmother, and a lot of brothers and sisters to whom I am the oldest sister to! All this news,is what I have prayed and hoped for,for years. All Ive ever wanted to know growing up was who I am and where I came from. My father is from Guam and lives there with his wife and some of his kids. He has several kids,whom I do not know much bout his childrearing but what I did learn is he did pay child support for me, but how is it possible that his name isnt on my birth certificate,yet he has financially supported me for all these years? Since finding him, I have so many unanswered questions I would like to know about. At this time, I have not informed my mother. Due to mixed feelings, I feel that if I tell my mother without meeting my father first,she would continue brainwashing me and lying to me,which I have difficulty dealing with due to my wanting her love and never receiving it. From what I know now,the majority of my negative behavior was due to lack of my mothers attention and nurturing. Being that I am the middle child, and look of a different ethnicity, I feel that I have brought shame upon my family. Due to the dysfunction in my family,its been hard for me to relate to them and to tell them my true feelings because I am fearful of hurting them even though I am hurting inside. In my short years, Ive experienced so much pain and distrust that I find it hard to forgive people. I have prayed and asked God to guide me down the right path and help me to see things differently.My dreams are to unify with my son,meet my father, and possibly mend my relationship with my family.